It is incredibly difficult to write this piece and not cry. I never want the thought of children being killed to enter my mind and yet it's the reality in which we're all forced to grapple.
Police said a father called 911 to confess he'd killed his children. As a new dad, I'm shaken.
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On a rainy Tuesday morning, our assignment desk team told the newsroom we received a tip that a man dialed 911 to confess to killing his children. Admittedly, I had trouble processing what they said, not because I hadn't heard it but because it sounded unbelievable. You would think by now after the many stories I've covered as a journalist over an 11-year career, including a mother accused of killing her adoptive children, I would be better prepared emotionally. I wasn't. My colleagues who had children before me warned me that these types of stories would affect me differently, and I still felt ill-prepared.
Many questions were and are still swirling around in my head: what would drive someone to (allegedly) do this? What will happen to the surviving three-year-old child after this tragedy? How will I handle explaining tragedies to my son when he's older?
The more details that come from that story - including the children may have been dead since May 1 - the more I want to expedite my next therapy session. Yes, innocent until proven guilty and all that, but the fact remains: four people are no longer here. Sadly, I'm sure this won't be the last tragic story involving children dying that I'll have to report about, which is why I'm trying to get my mind right and focus on getting answers for surviving family members and the community left stunned by this.
On social media, I've been sharing many fun moments I've experienced with my son, Jordy. I also try to be vulnerable and express times when navigating parenthood has been incredibly challenging. Now, I'm trying to write about having that sorrowful reminder that not everything is sunshine and rainbows in the world and that being a parent also means feeling pain for someone else's kids. Suffering is a reality in this world, and I feel confident saying no one wants a child to suffer or be in significant pain.
After covering the Tree of Life Synagogue shooting in Pittsburgh back in 2018, I made the mistake of compartmentalizing what I experienced that day. No, I didn't personally see the shooting unfold but I experienced the great uncertainty of what would come next, witnessing armed police enter a place of worship, hearing the agony of people who no longer will see their family member who was killed, and seeing groups of people sobbing in anguish for the loss of loved ones in their community is traumatizing. I didn't really talk about it as much as I should have from a processing perspective, which I want to change in response to this tragedy.
Someone very kindly reached out to me and was intuitive of how I might be feeling right now:
As a young father yourself [Chris], I’m sure covering a story like this is difficult for you. Difficult for anyone but as a new father I’m sure even more so.
The answer is yes. And to be clear, I by no means want to undercut how the family of the children who were killed or the Zebulon, NC community is feeling right now knowing this happened. How they feel is leagues more important than how I'm feeling right now; however, I wanted to at least convey what other parents might be feeling - especially new parents such as myself - when we are again exposed to the tragedies of this world and view them through the lens of parenthood.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:18